Know Better, Do Better

Thought Full, Better Stuff, Recalibrate, Confusion, Virtues

I.

Thought Full

The other day, I finished an episode of the Dwarkesh Podcast and queued up a couple Taylor Swift songs. The next morning, I awoke from a dream that I was a podcast host interviewing Taylor Swift.

Coincidence?

The content we consume—watch, hear, read—shapes our thoughts and dreams. Since our subjective reality is filtered through our minds, the content we enculturate becomes part of it. When you listen to a song on repeat, it gets “stuck in your head;” you feel as if you can’t escape it. The same can be said for any show, podcast, book, or newsfeed. The more we absorb a specific message or media type, the more that content takes up precious mind space.

The key takeaway here is to be deliberate with what you consume. If you’re an anxious person, watching nightly news will not make your reality any less stressful. If you struggle with body image issues, scrolling Instagram won’t boost your self-esteem. If you grapple with anger, playing Call of Duty on the regular will not curtail your rage. If you can’t get Coldplay out of your head, listening to Yellow on repeat will not Fix You.

As consumers of content, it’s important to be thoughtful about the kind of content we consume, because our thoughts will be full of whatever we choose.

II.

Better Stuff

I grew up listening to country music. At nine years old, I received a portable CD player and my first CD for Christmas: Gretchen Wilson’s Here for the Party, which included her hit single “Redneck Woman.” I also sang along to Toby Keith’s “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue,” a song released in response to the 9/11 attacks. While I didn’t really understand what it meant to be a proud American as a prepubescent kid, I knew Keith’s lyrics went something like this: “We’ll put a boot in yer ass, it’s the American way.”

I know better now.

Most people consume popular media without much thought. They sing along to catchy tunes without actually assimilating the lyrics. They watch toxic TikTok videos without considering how they might influence their beliefs. They peruse fake news on Facebook and Twitter without discerning which headlines are deliberately exaggerated to provoke frenzy and fear.

When engaging with popular content, we seldom pause to ask: Is this kind? Is it loving? Is it necessary? Is it true?

If we genuinely care about ourselves and our future, we must scrutinize the stuff we consume and make better choices. Whether we realize it or not, the content we engage with shapes our worldview. Another kid raised on Toby Keith’s music might think patriotism has something to do with boots in bums. They’ve become, as the “Redneck Woman” lyrics suggest, “just a product of their raisin’.”

But you don’t have to be defined by the culture of your upbringing. You have a choice in the matter. You can decide who you want to be, what stuff you consume, and what you believe. You can examine your past beliefs and release those that no longer serve you. As Maya Angelou wisely advised, “When you know better, do better.” And most of us can do much, much better.

Trust me. If there’s hope for me, there’s hope for you, too.

III.  

Recalibrate

We coevolve with our tools

Jeff Bezos

“Brains are plastic, and you can feel your brain getting reprogrammed,” Jeff Bezos tells Lex Fridman in a recent interview. He recounts an example from his twenties when the game Tetris gained popularity. After countless hours mentally manipulating shapes and dreaming up strategies to fit Tetris pieces in their ideal places, he realized he had rewired his brain for Tetris gameplay.

Today, brains aren’t being reprogrammed so much to play Tetris as they are being primed for perpetual dopamine hits online. And I worry about the impact this has on our relationships with one another.

As a society, we’re becoming increasingly impatient. We interrupt each other and finish sentences. We don’t want to hear each others’ backstories or digressions; we want the 280-character TL;DR. Then, whenever the opportunity arises to interject, we change the subject as quickly as YouTube queues up another Short. The shallow engagement that’s inundating human relationships mimics our newsfeeds. We don’t actually want to listen to and learn from one another; we want bite-sized McNuggets of connection.

Bezos calls our smartphones “attention-shortening devices” because most of the things we do on our phones shorten our attention. I agree. But what do we do about it? Should we get a “kale phone” and “cocaine phone” like Trung Phan? Should we trade in our smartphones for dumb phones like Alex Dobrenko?

Maybe.

But, perhaps the simplest and most effective step to counteract our addiction to attention-shortening media is to consume more long-form content. Books. Podcast interviews. Documentaries. Articles. The more long-form content we consume, the more we recalibrate our brains for depth, and the better off our connections will be.

IV.  

Confusion

Before I established a writing routine, I used to spend my “writing time” battling a vicious cycle of distractions. A typical writing session a couple years ago went something like this: I’d put on makeup, pack up my laptop, drive fifteen minutes to a coffee shop, order a coffee and croissant, set up my laptop and notepad, retrieve my coffee and croissant, sip coffee, eat croissant, open a Word document, put on noise-canceling headphones, stare at blank document, decide the headphones weren’t canceling enough noise, feel slight panic, open an internet browser, check social media, let forty-five minutes slip away scrolling and sipping, snap out of the social media trance and realize I hadn’t written a single word yet, feel uninspired and defeated, pack up my belongings, discard empty single-use cup in the coffee shop’s trash bin, drive fifteen minutes back home.

In case you’re wondering if I got any actual writing done during this time, the answer is (obviously) no.

Sometimes, instead of my wasteful coffee shop routine, I’d clean my office and then the entire house before I started any actual writing (which never happened). Other times, I’d find another distraction—music, pointless phone calls, naps, food, shopping, reorganizing my closet, driving around in circles, peeling paint off the wall, you name it. I was confusing motion with action. But the beauty of action is that, sometimes, it requires very little movement at all. There was no need for me to pack up and go anywhere to write. All I needed to do was sit down and type.

Nowadays, I write in my office. I sip coffee brewed at home from a reusable mug and get bottomless refills. I no longer worry about intrusive coffee shop noise or the not-so-noise-canceling headphones. I ignore the temptation of a fresh-baked croissant and the hankering to pick up the mountain of mess in my office. I resist the urge to find distractions, and I just sit down. But my writing gets done.

Never confuse Motion with Action.

Benjamin Franklin, The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin

V.  

Virtues

For this last idea, I’ll leave you with the list of Benjamin Franklin’s thirteen virtues and his descriptions for each. ‘Ol Benito regarded these virtues as the most essential and desirable traits to embody. While he admitted to falling “far short” of attaining moral perfection, he believed he was “a better and happier man” for having tried.

Take from them what you will.

1. TEMPERANCE. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.

2. SILENCE. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.

3. ORDER. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.

4. RESOLUTION: Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.

5. FRUGALITY. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.

6. INDUSTRY. Lose no time; be always employ’d in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.

7. SINCERITY. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.

8. JUSTICE. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.

9. MODERATION. Avoid extreams; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.

10. CLEANLINESS. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloths, or habitation.

11. TRANQUILLITY. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.

12. CHASTITY. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.

13. HUMILITY. Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

Source: The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin