28 Comments
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Melody's avatar

Cheers to healthy and boring relationships! 🍾👍🏽💯

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Jen Hitze's avatar

right! 😂

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Alexander Lovell, PhD's avatar

I laughed out loud when you described your current relationship as "exciting and boring." I can totally relate! I used to think that drama and conflict were signs of passion, but now I realize that true love is often found in the quiet moments.

It's the shared meals, the lazy Sundays, the inside jokes, and the unwavering support that really matter. It's not about fireworks and grand gestures, but the steady flame of a love that grows deeper with time.

So here's to the "boring" relationships! May they be filled with laughter, love, and a whole lot of shared adventures.

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Jen Hitze's avatar

Thank you, Alexander! 😁

Steady flames > fireworks all day!

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William Weaver's avatar

That was spot-on and very insightful. Thank you for sharing your insight and creating useful content that is informative and helpful. Please don't stop. :)

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Jen Hitze's avatar

Thank you so much, William!

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Diana Mohrsen's avatar

I love the clarity of your examples! May we all strive towards and enjoy healthy relationships!

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Jen Hitze's avatar

thank you, Diana!

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Jim Crotty's avatar

Love this. A healthy relationship will never be perfect but it will reflect a true partnership versus one person appropriating the other as an escape and refusal to embrace their own healing.

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Jen Hitze's avatar

Thank you so much, Jim! 🙏 totally agree

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Os Ishmael's avatar

A great read. I was especially drawn to what you wrote about Chemistry. From my observations, it's so true. Recently, I was part of a dinner conversation where a parent described his daughter in a similar situation. It strikes me now that his daughter's plight reflected his relationship with his wife. My point is, if we neglect our own issues, we'll pass them on to the next generation.

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Jen Hitze's avatar

You are so correct! Children need exposure to healthy relationships so they can create them for themselves--and that starts with us.

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Tory Haughton's avatar

Loved this piece this week. So insightful and thought-provoking.

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Jen Hitze's avatar

Thank you so much, Tory!

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KatWarrior's avatar

One more comment. It’s none of your business what other people think about you.

Say that to yourself at least once a day! It’s life altering.

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Jen Hitze's avatar

amen to that! 💛🙌

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KatWarrior's avatar

Transitioning from an unhealthy, dependent relationship to a healthy, independent one shifts the source of excitement from internal, emotional conflicts to external, hands-on challenges. Instead of feeling intense chemistry rooted in conflicting beliefs, people in healthy relationships feel a deep sense of peace with one another. This makes communication easier, as there is no fear of accidentally saying the wrong thing. When communication becomes easier, alignment of goals and values does, too. Through effective communication, you can learn so much more about another person than you could by manipulating them or allowing them to manipulate you.

If you consistently fear you will say the wrong thing and “offend” your partner or friend, then I suggest you pivot, reevaluate, and take a good long look at yourself first. Ask yourself, “what is my part in this dance? Am I the manipulator or am I allowing myself to be manipulated?”

I recently did this with a close friend and through this self reflection realized I was allowing manipulation to happen. I wasn’t a victim; I was a willing participant in an unhealthy relationship.

It’s been four months of hard work. End result is the relationship collapsed because of my refusal to be a victim. There’s a reason it’s called a dance!

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Jen Hitze's avatar

this is such a good suggestion! I wanted to go deeper into this topic of being offended by "the wrong thing" but wasn't sure how to present that. You did a great job here!

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KatWarrior's avatar

Thank you, Jen.

Be brave, be yourself, be courageously yourself because if you compartmentalize, that sh$t will ooze out and it won’t be productive or kind.

Take it from someone who has tried to fit into a box way go small for her entire adult life.

I was either working so damn hard to be liked/loved or being a complete a-hole pushing people away. Sounds sort of insane?! That’s because it is insane behavior!

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Mohika Mudgal's avatar

Mixing a planner with a spontaneous person sounds like a recipe for either the best adventure or a sitcom episode. And don’t get me started on the saver and the spender—they must have some epic “discussions” over grocery shopping! 😄

Thanks for the enlightening and entertaining read.

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Jen Hitze's avatar

LOL! Thank you, Mohika!

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Adam PT's avatar

Best read of the day, thank you.

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Jen Hitze's avatar

Thank you so much, Adam!

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Jay R. Midas's avatar

Beautifully said, it also removes the default shift to blame to explain that partner dynamics are important and for us to assess who WE are in that process. 🔥

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Jen Hitze's avatar

Absolutely!!!

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Maryanne Pryor-Peach's avatar

A great article with msny valuable insights to remember 😌🦋✨

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Aug 6
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Jen Hitze's avatar

Thank you so much for this feedback! I truly appreciate it

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Aug 6
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Jen Hitze's avatar

this is a fascinating question and a very subjective one, imo. We all have differing needs and bring different qualities to a relationship. What may be 'toxic' for one--depending on their subjective preferences, past, traumas, ect--might not be for another.

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