Living Good

Disposition, Call to Adventure, A Different Kind of Suffering, Finding Meaning, Stop and Realize, Man Up

I.

Disposition

The easiest way to be miserable is to have a lousy disposition. It is also the simplest and most direct way to make the people you live with miserable.

Similarly, the easiest way to turn your life into a reasonably happy experience is to cultivate a cheerful, pleasant disposition.

Your disposition is the most important single factor for living enjoyably, regardless of whether you are rich or poor, smiled or frowned upon by fortune.

John A. Schindler, M.D., Woman’s Guide to Better Living (1957)

A few years back, my friend Mike planned two surprise birthday events for his girlfriend, Mary. The first was a morning hike with a small group of close friends, and the second was a dinner by Lake Tahoe with a bigger crowd later in the evening.

Midway through the hike—the day’s first surprise—Mary began to distance herself from the group and was clearly upset. When I approached her and asked what was wrong, she admitted that her birthday didn’t feel special enough. Hiking with friends was something we did often, and she had hoped for something more to mark the occasion.

I reckon it was hard for Mary to say that—especially knowing how much effort Mike had put into organizing the hike and gathering her closest friends. But I understood the disappointment Mary felt. I used to cry on my birthday, too.

I was born on Halloween, and while there are many fun happenings to partake in on October 31st, I never once had a birthday party thrown specifically for me. Halloween was a special day, but it was never my special day. I told Mary this, and I also told her that things finally changed for me when I let go of my unrealistic expectations.

Instead of wishing for the perfect birthday, I decided to focus on having a positive attitude—no matter what the day looked like. It didn’t matter if I was trick-or-treating with family, bar hopping with friends, or dancing in the streets of Oaxaca for Día de los Muertos. It didn’t matter if I did nothing at all. What mattered was that I decided I would have a good day. A good outlook. A good disposition.

The quality of our days—be it our birthday or any other ordinary day—depends entirely on our disposition. A negative disposition can ruin even the most perfect day, while a grateful, positive disposition can turn the worst day around, too.

II.

Call to Adventure

Most gulls don’t bother to learn more than the simplest facts of flight—how to get from shore to food and back again. For most gulls, it is not flying that matters, but eating.

Richard Bach, Jonathon Livingston Seagull (1970)

Every year, I re-read Jonathon Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach. The story is an allegory about a seagull who rejects the conformist life of his flock to discover his calling and realize his full potential. It’s also one of the best-selling books of all time and a super quick and easy read.

Jonathon Livingston Seagull—yes, a seagull—realizes that his true purpose in life is not to squabble over scraps of food, but to reach perfection in flight. He practices flying day in and day out until he reaches the highest heights and soars to top speeds. His call to adventure doesn’t come without sacrifices, however, as Jonathon is ostracized by his flock and must live and fly alone.

If we were to apply the above quote to humanity, it might read something like this:

Most people don’t bother to learn more than the simplest facts of life—how to “get through” each day. For most people, it’s not the pursuit of excellence that matters, but mere survival.

Eventually, after years of training and dedication to his craft, Jonathon Livingston Seagull achieves an awareness akin to enlightenment. He becomes a seagull guru of sorts and tells his eager students:

“Each of us is in truth an idea of the Great Gull, an unlimited idea of freedom. And precision flying is a step towards expressing our real nature.”

If we were to apply his lesson toward humanity, it might go something like this:

Each of us is in truth an idea of God, an unlimited idea of freedom. And our call to adventure is a step towards expressing our real nature.

Apparently I’ve ordered this book 13 times in the past 3 years. Did I mention it’s one of my favorite books to gift, too?

III.

A Different Kind of Suffering

People do not realize just how much they are putting at risk when they don’t accept what life presents them with, the questions and tasks that life sets them. When they resolve to spare themselves the pain and suffering, they owe to their nature. And so doing, they refuse to pay life’s dues and for this very reason, life then often leads them astray. If we don’t accept our own destiny, a different kind of suffering takes its place: a neurosis develops, and I believe that that life which we have to live is not as bad as a neurosis. If I have to suffer, then let it be from my reality. A neurosis is a much greater curse! In general, a neurosis is a replacement for an evasion, an unconscious desire to cheat life, to avoid something. One cannot do more and live what one really is. And we are all made up of opposites and conflicting tendencies. After much reflection, I have come to the conclusion that it is better to live what one really is and accept the difficulties that arise as a result—because avoidance is much worse.

Aniela Jaffé, Reflections on the Life and Dreams of C.G. Jung (2023)

IV.

Finding Meaning

This next idea comes from a Pew Research study which surveyed nearly 19,000 adults in 17 advanced economies

What gives life meaning?

Chances are, results vary.

What gives life meaning not only varies from person to person, but also from country to country…

For 14 out of 17 countries, family was the most commonly cited source of meaning. But in Taiwan, society topped the list—ranking higher than family, occupation, and material well-being. A woman in Taiwan explained that “Food, clothing, housing, and transportation are all convenient. Life is safe and tranquil.” A young man added, “Living in Taiwan is very free, freer than China and Hong Kong.”

What gives life meaning also changes throughout life…

When I became a parent, family skyrocketed to the top of my list. But it wasn’t always that way. When I was in my mid-twenties, I used to think more along the lines of a 25-year-old Dutch man who was surveyed saying, “The most important thing for me is work. I think it is very important to build my career, to build my life, so that I’m doing better and better.”

When it comes to what constitutes a meaningful life, there’s no right or wrong answer. What matters is identifying what gives you meaning in the here and now and choosing to center your life around it.

V.

Stop and Realize

We rarely stop to realize that everything we have—be it material, spiritual, or intellectual—exists because of other people. Literally everything—the spark for this Big Idea, the computer I’m typing on, the office I’m working in—is the direct result of someone else’s effort, invention, insight.

We rarely stop to realize that one lonely human left to their own devices in this modern world would present a pitiful spectacle.

Human life as we know it depends on cooperation. We learn how to make useful products and provide useful services so that we can trade for other useful products and services. We depend upon others for our creature comforts because we don’t want to be isolated creatures in a jungle.

Once we stop to realize that it’s other people who bring us our homes, cars, roads, meals, entertainment, electricity, healthcare, ideas, Amazon deliveries, and a million other necessities and luxuries, then we can begin to understand that life without other people would be tragic and bleak. Every leap forward—from 5G to Chat GPT-3, Starships to neural chips, Khan Academy to Virtual Reality—is the direct result of others’ hard work.

Others whom we rarely stop to realize that we need.

Generosity looks good on you.

+I.

Man Up

Some not-so-poetic musings + the poem that inspired them:

Musings:

Hold steady in the face of chaos, doubt, and criticism.

Trust yourself.

Be patient, honest, humble.

Don’t succumb to bitterness or self-importance.

Acknowledge your thoughts and follow your dreams, but don’t be consumed by them.

Remember that both success and failure are fleeting—don’t let either define you.

After betrayal and loss, gather your strength and rebuild.

If you’re willing to risk everything, be willing to face loss with grace.

Persist through sheer resolve; don’t seek pity or praise.

Value everyone equally.

Maximize every moment through discipline and clarity of purpose.

Poem: “If—”

By Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

˖

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;

If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

˖

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

˖

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!