Overcoming Life's Biggest Problems

The Problem Spectrum, Potential Causes (Smaller Problems), Avoidance and Rumination, Accepting What You Can't Control, The Middle Way

Quick note: Beginning next week, 5 Big Ideas will be shared on Saturdays

Also, I’m testing out visuals in this week’s letter and would appreciate any feedback (Love them? Hate them? Let me know in the comments)

I.

The Problem Spectrum

On opposite ends of the Problem Spectrum lie individuals with contrasting beliefs about the origins of their biggest life problems.

Externalists: 

The Externalist believes that all big problems originate from physical factors. They strive to understand their local surroundings thoroughly and meticulously scrutinize everything they interact with or consume. They also believe that their bodies are physically or genetically predisposed to their big problems. Seeking advice from an Externalist for any problem will likely lead to suggestions like adopting a vegan diet or moving to Finland. They believe overcoming life’s challenges begins with changing one’s physical environment and lifestyle. And despite their efforts to manage their problems by continuously manipulating their surroundings, new challenges inevitably emerge within their altered environment.

Internalists:

The Internalist holds that all big problems stem from psychological factors. They believe that unresolved mental and emotional distress is the root cause of all human problems, and they address their issues through practices like routine meditation and therapy. Seeking advice from an Internalist, regardless of the situation, may lead to suggestions such as attending an ayahuasca retreat or seeking out an IFS practitioner. They believe overcoming life’s challenges begins with resolving deep-rooted trauma. And despite their efforts to address their problems through mantras and breathwork, they find that new issues persistently emerge.

So what’s the deal? Where do problems really come from – outside of us or within us?

And, more importantly, how should we manage them?

II.

Potential Causes (Smaller Problems)

Let’s examine some big problems and their potential causes from both Externalist and Internalist perspectives:

Big problem: Substance abuse

• Potential cause (Externalist): Peer influence, genetic predisposition, advertisements or media

• Potential cause (Internalist): Coping mechanism, desire for belonging, history of trauma or abuse

Big problem: Chronic Illness

• Potential cause (Externalist): Environmental toxins, poor diet and exercise, hormonal factors

• Potential cause (Internalist): Chronic stress, adverse childhood events, prolonged anxiety

Big problem: Poverty

• Potential cause (Externalist): Underemployment, geographical factors, discrimination 

• Potential cause (Internalist): Mental health challenges, lack of self-worth, personality traits

While each of these potential causes can (and do) contribute to their associated problems, adopting a one-sided perspective on the origin of a big problem can be, well, problematic. When we take an Externalist standpoint on the cause of our ADHD by blaming processed foods, we don’t leave room for the possibility that family dysfunction could also be a valid factor. Similarly, when we take an Internalist standpoint and blame a genetic predisposition for our alcoholism, we neglect the possibility that it could also be due to sustained chronic stress throughout one’s career. 

The truth is, we don’t really know where our biggest problems stem from. But it’s unlikely that a single factor is solely responsible. Big problems affect us both physically and mentally; therefore, it’s likely that at least one external and internal cause is involved.

III.   

Avoidance and Rumination

At any given point in our life, we will grapple with at least one big life problem. 

The first step to overcoming any big problem is recognizing that there is one. That’s the easy part; it’s a choice. The next step requires understanding the potential causes contributing to the problem and implementing solutions. But this is easier said than done. It’s one thing to list the possible causes of a big problem and another thing to actually do something about them.

Humans are experts at avoiding problems. And each potential cause for our big problem is but a “smaller” problem. Instead of addressing our problems, big or small, we tend to ruminate on them. When this happens, we feel stuck and hopeless. Rumination is what ultimately leads to a victim mindset. 

Internalists and Externalists can easily claim victim to the causation of their problems, as they have little to no control over their inner and outer environments. Societal norms, family upbringing, psychological predispositions, and past traumas are largely beyond our influence. And ruminating over circumstances beyond our control inhibits progress in addressing our big problem.

IV.   

Accepting What You Can’t Control

Hiding behind smaller problems will never remedy the big problem. 

So, what can we do about the smaller problems beyond our control? We can acknowledge and accept them.

If you can’t change your genes, your family, your childhood trauma, or your emotions, perhaps you should embrace them. After all, these are your problems. These factors define who you are, for better or worse, and they’re not going away. It’s easy to forget that we’re not alone in our struggles; countless others face similar challenges. What’s personal is also universal. To overcome our big problems, we must accept them, talk about them, and move past them. 

As long as a big problem persists, it will drain considerable amounts of energy and attention. Our primary focus should be on resolving the big problem to regain control of our lives. Avoiding the big problem by fixating on a smaller one will only add another problem into your life – one of a victim mentality.

If something can be done about your big problem, do it. Seek treatment or therapy. Distance yourself from toxic people and pollutants. Do what you must to take care of your inner and outer self. However, for factors beyond your control, like genetics or past events, don’t allow them to maintain their grip on you. Accept them as part of your human condition and address the physical and mental aspects within your control. 

V.   

The Middle Way

The portrayal of a hopeless girl in Idea #3, hunched over because of her childhood trauma (and subsequent eating disorder), was me.

But before I fell victim to my childhood trauma, I was a victim of familial attitudes toward weight. And before that, I was a victim of depression and perfectionism. And before that, I was a victim of highly processed, hyper-palatable foods. And before that, I was a victim of genetic predisposition. And before that, I was a victim of media portrayal of thinness (notably the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show). And before that, I was a victim of my home environment. And before that, I was a victim of social comparison and bullying. While I once pretended that one single uncontrollable issue caused my eating disorder, the reality was far more complex. Multiple factors contributed to it.

By attributing victimhood to one cause after another, I could maintain the illusion that my big problem was outside of my control. Like a pendulum, I oscillated between Externalist and Internalist victimization. Each time I moved past one small problem, I fixated on another. In this cycle, I couldn’t escape my big problem. It wasn’t until I accepted all the uncontrollable factors – physical abuse, familial beliefs, psychological influences, dietary habits, genetics, media, social pressures, etc. – that I moved past my eating disorder. I ceased swinging between extremes and found my center.

Remaining centered amidst life’s most significant challenges lies at the core of the teachings found in the Tao te Ching. The “Tao” translates to “The Way.” And The Way through our biggest life problems will always be through the center. When we oscillate between extremes, we deplete our energy. We find ourselves hopeless and exhausted. We could spend our entire lives bouncing between opposite ends of any problem spectrum. And like a pendulum, reaching one extreme will inevitably lead to swinging to the other. The Way through our problems lies not in the extremes but in the center. When we find our Middle Way, we regain abundant amounts of energy to live our best life. In the center, we will reclaim our sanity and transcend our big problems.

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