The Hierarchy of Wants

Motivation, Needs vs. Wants, Foolish Feelings, Simplified Self-Actualization, Our Real Needs

I.

Motivation

According to popular psychology, humans are primarily motivated by their dominant “needs.”

Consider, for instance, a girl who desperately wants to fit in with a friend group; she’s primarily consumed by the feelings of being unloved and estranged. Her unmet need drives so many of her daily actions and interactions—constantly seeking validation through Facebook posts, binging Netflix to cope with feelings of loneliness, and coming off too strong in social situations. Her desperation is palpable.

Like this girl, most middle-class and well-to-do people I know tend to fall within the middle of the hierarchy. They’re in desperate need of companionship or recognition. Or maybe both.

Abraham Maslow proposed that people progress to a higher stage in the hierarchy once they’ve satisfied the preceding need. However, due to the complexity of the human brain and its numerous parallel processes, people can experience conflicting desires simultaneously. For instance, one may be motivated to elevate their status while unconsciously operating under the false belief that professional recognition will lead to love.

II.

Needs vs. Wants

Man is a perpetually wanting animal.

Abraham Maslow, A Theory of Human Motivation

The word “need” in the Hierarchy of Needs is perhaps in need of replacement. That’s because our motives are primarily subjective, not objective. And a subjective need is not necessarily one that is grounded in reality. Some of our needs are not really needs after all; they’re wants. 

The mind is a powerful thing and can trick us into believing we lack something we already have. For example, you may feel the need for financial security because a past bankruptcy scarred your psyche, even though you currently own a second home and travel first class. Or you might feel inadequately loved despite having a family who will do anything for you at the drop of a hat.

Living life through a subjective lens often leads to confusion between wants and needs. We constantly compare ourselves to others and assume that people have things that we don’t. For instance, when coming across a group photo on Instagram, we might believe everyone depicted are close pals, making us feel excluded or unworthy. But our assumption may be far from the truth. Perhaps the people in the photo just met for the first time, or maybe they’re toxic people that you don’t want to be around anyway. 

When we compare ourselves to others and make assumptions, we cultivate feelings of inadequacy and fabricate unrealistic needs.

III.

Foolish Feelings

Comparison is the thief of joy (and the thief of self-actualization)

Theodore Roosevelt (and Jen Hitze) 

Before we talk about what self-actualization is, let’s begin by talking about what it is not. Self-actualization is not about comparing oneself to others and concluding that “I’m not recognized/loved/solvent enough.” 

All psychological “needs” are rooted in deprivation, and feelings of deprivation are either caused by:

• a genuine lack of something (e.g., you actually are broke as a joke, and your car is about to be repo’d), or 

• a perceived lack of something

One feels as if they need money when their neighbor arrives home in a new Tesla. One feels as if they need friends when their brother returns from a groovy “dude’s cruise.” One feels as if they need recognition when their former counterpart gets a juicy promotion. 

When we compare ourselves to others, we feel as if we’re bereft of something that was never ours to begin with. Ironically, those individuals we compare ourselves to are likely also comparing themselves to us. It’s a perpetual cycle of foolish suffering. There is no apples-to-apples when it comes to human lives. We are all on radically different paths. 

IV. 

Simplified Self-Actualization

[Self-actualization is] man’s tendency to actualize himself, to become his potentialities.

Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person

You cannot simultaneously experience deprivation and reach your full potential. Something’s got to give. If you perceive a deficiency in any of the lower needs, you’ll never be motivated beyond the desire to meet that need. To reach the pinnacle of psychological development, you must realize you have satisfied all prerequisite needs—you must feel adequately acknowledged, loved, and secure. You must be willing to say that you have enough, that you are enough. 

Self-actualization calls for us to transcend our egoic needs and focus on actualizing our potential. This “potential” varies from person to person. It’s what I’m alluding to when I write about following your calling and intuition. According to Maslow, the core of self-actualization is this: What a man can be, he must be. In essence, you must do what you are designed to do. 

I wish I could tell you what it is that you are designed to do. I wish you could fill out a survey and have the answer spit out on the other end. I wish we all learned about individual human potential in school. I wish it were that easy; I really do. 

But the truth is, knowing oneself is not an easy feat. And many people go their whole lives not knowing what it is that they are here to do. Instead, they spend decades pursuing their lower needs—more money!/more followers!/more prestige!—and neglecting their potentialities. 

While I can’t tell you what your potential is—you’ll have to look within—I can tell you this: It is not found in desperation; it’s found in inspiration. Etymologically speaking, the word “inspire” originates from “in spirit.” It is in spirit where your potential lies. 

V.

Our Real Needs

The greatest wealth is to live content with little. 

Attributed to Plato

In Idea #2, I discussed the distinction between objective and subjective needs. While satisfying a subjective need is a matter of choice, meeting an objective need is a requirement. But it’s also easier to attain.

To self-actualize, it’s essential to have all your lower needs met. You’ll need money to pay the bills, you’ll need someone to show up when shit hits the fan, and you’ll need self-worth. Put simply, you’ll need the bare minimum, at the very least. 

Here’s what your real needs look like: 

• Core Survival Needs: Air, water, food, sleep, heat, shelter (i.e., things that all animals need)

• Safety/Financial Needs: Health, physical and psychological safety, and a living wage (an annual salary between $45,000-$70,000, depending on location)

• Love/Belonging Needs: A group where you feel like you belong (work, sports, clubs, friends, or family) and at least one other person who accepts, respects, and loves you

• Esteem/Recognition Needs: Self-respect and respect from others

Naturally, we aspire to go above and beyond our basic needs. It’s virtuous to know your worth (which is far more than the bare minimum, might I add) and aim for that. However, you should be wary when desires hinder your ability to do what you’re best suited to do. Be open to the idea that the rewards of realizing your potential—manifesting your innate potentialities—may surpass any subjective goals you set for yourself.

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